I Won't Grow Up

I see things like this and I say to myself, "I HAVE to have that."

I mean, come on. It has a tower with a rock-climbing wall. There's a secret room inside that can only be accessed through a hidden entry in the fireplace. AND the eyes in the portrait over the fireplace slide open so you can spy out of it! SERIOUSLY! Where was this when I was a small child? I mean, it's only about $7,000...